Yesterday morning Dan and I went to our 5th session of marriage counseling.
We have been going to counseling for two months.
We talked to the counselor about the weather.
We talked to the counselor about motorcycles. (By we I mean Dan)
We talked to the counselor about our future.
We talked to the counselor about working as a team. About not working as a team.
We talked about short and long term goals.
I slightly complained. Dan mostly didn't.
Shortly after Dan's surgery our marriage hit a rough patch. We were kind of in a perfect storm - Dan had just had major surgery, we had someone living in our house, our daughter was relatively young, and many issues about our future were up in the air (When would Dan go back to work? Where would Dan go back to work?)
That storm took a toll on us and we had a few bad days and nights, the details of which aren't really important here. To triage the situation, we called our pastor and he was at our house within hours. Once we were over the initial hurt, we knew we needed to do something more long term in order to prevent those few bad days from turning into a few bad months, or even years.
Of course I didn't write about it at first due to the sensitivity of the situation, and also I wasn't exactly sure how I felt and what the final outcome would be, as sad as that is to say.
However, now that we have been improving daily and our marriage is stronger than it has ever been, I feel like I would be doing a huge disservice to my friends and readers if I didn't give you full disclosure. If I didn't tell you that yes, most days my marriage is good, but it didn't come without working through problems. I don't want to pretend like everything is / was OK when it most definitely was not.
The week after the "few bad days" Dan and I decided to sit in the front row at church. The worship service that followed was extremely emotional. We held hands. We cried. We laughed. We hugged. As we were leaving, a man followed us outside, stopped us at the door, and said, "I don't want to be weird, but I have to tell you that watching you two worship together is amazing. Your strong relationship is a wonderful example for people who might need help in their marriage. Please don't stop."
So, I am not going to stop. I am so thankful that Dan and I didn't just talk with our pastor and go about our lives. That option would have been so easy and would have worked, for a little while. Although it has been difficult, and things got worse before they got better, through counseling we have dug to the root of many problems. I hope we have prevented them for causing future storms.
Lastly, I want to be clear that these problems were from our marriage - not from just Dan or just me. I have re-read this many times to make sure I am not placing blame on Dan, but I decided I would just come out and be extra clear - it wasn't just Dan's fault.
Thanks for reading and all of your support. <3
I promise there will be a lighter topic and cute baby pictures tomorrow.