Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Marriage Counseling

Yesterday morning Dan and I went to our 5th session of marriage counseling.  

We have been going to counseling for two months. 

We talked to the counselor about the weather.

We talked to the counselor about motorcycles.  (By we I mean Dan)

We talked to the counselor about our future.

We talked to the counselor about working as a team.  About not working as a team.  

We talked about short and long term goals.  

I slightly complained.  Dan mostly didn't.  

Shortly after Dan's surgery our marriage hit a rough patch.  We were kind of in a perfect storm - Dan had just had major surgery, we had someone living in our house, our daughter was relatively young, and many issues about our future were up in the air (When would Dan go back to work?  Where would Dan go back to work?)

That storm took a toll on us and we had a few bad days and nights, the details of which aren't really important here.  To triage the situation, we called our pastor and he was at our house within hours.  Once we were over the initial hurt, we knew we needed to do something more long term in order to prevent those few bad days from turning into a few bad months, or even years. 

Of course I didn't write about it at first due to the sensitivity of the situation, and also I wasn't exactly sure how I felt and what the final outcome would be, as sad as that is to say. 

However, now that we have been improving daily and our marriage is stronger than it has ever been, I feel like I would be doing a huge disservice to my friends and readers if I didn't give you full disclosure.  If I didn't tell you that yes, most days my marriage is good, but it didn't come without working through problems.  I don't want to pretend like everything is / was OK when it most definitely was not.   

The week after the "few bad days" Dan and I decided to sit in the front row at church.  The worship service that followed was extremely emotional.  We held hands.  We cried.  We laughed.  We hugged.  As we were leaving, a man followed us outside, stopped us at the door, and said, "I don't want to be weird, but I have to tell you that watching you two worship together is amazing.  Your strong relationship is a wonderful example for people who might need help in their marriage.  Please don't stop."

So, I am not going to stop.  I am so thankful that Dan and I didn't just talk with our pastor and go about our lives.  That option would have been so easy and would have worked, for a little while. Although it has been difficult, and things got worse before they got better, through counseling we have dug to the root of many problems.  I hope we have prevented them for causing future storms.  

Lastly, I want to be clear that these problems were from our marriage - not from just Dan or just me.  I have re-read this many times to make sure I am not placing blame on Dan, but I decided I would just come out and be extra clear - it wasn't just Dan's fault.  

Thanks for reading and all of your support.  <3

I promise there will be a lighter topic and cute baby pictures tomorrow.

8 comments:

  1. It is really incredible you were able to go to your Pastor, and then make an effort to prevent things from getting worse by talking to a counselor. It's also pretty incredible you shared your story with us. Marriage and relationships can be such a sensitive and heavy topic - especially to write about on the internet for everyone to read... so kudos to you on your bravery and transparency. :)

    That comment from the man about watching you worship together is SO precious. And what a refreshing and heartwarming thing to hear after what you're going through, I'm sure. There's no doubt he was meant to deliver that message to you two at that moment.

    Thanks for sharing. Ina is lucky to have to loving parents that want to work on things to make your home a happy place. <3

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  2. That is awesome that you reached out to your Pastor like that girl. Marriage is NOT easy but it is SO worth it and rewarding. You and Dan make a great couple and I am glad that you are able to encourage others through this. Reminds me of that song-"praise Him in this storm". Thanks for sharing. HUGS

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  3. I think people tend to give up too easily on their marriage. My husband and I went through some issues several years ago. He once told me he would never go to therapy. Well, when he realized that things weren't going to work out on their own, that we needed someone neutral to listen to, he agreed to go with me. We did not belong to a church at the time but we went through counseling and then later joined a church and have been a better couple for it. Thank you for sharing your story. You will continue to grow stronger together because of your faith. God Bless!

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  4. Thank you so much for sharing this! My husband and I are going through a rough patch as well and we start counseling tonight. I don't wish ill on anyone, but it is helpful to know that I am not alone. I am sending you both positive thoughts that your marriage continues to get stronger!

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  5. I'm thinking of you guys! Sending lots of love your way.

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  6. I hand it to you as well! I think we need more stories out there like yours to help us remember we aren't the only ones who have these issues in our lives. My husband and I are right in the middle of marriage counseling, it's been hard but worth it. We are actually in a small group setting every couple weeks, we are using Wendy Brown's Why Love Succeeds or Fails, whylovesucceeds.com. It's been a great resource for getting us to some roots of our relationships. The counseling works, I am a true believer in that!

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