Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Dear Ina Mae, You are Beautiful

Dear Ina Mae, 

I am writing this letter with the highest of hopes that you will never read it.  
 
Why?  Because I plan to give this letter to you on the day you look in the mirror and are disappointed in what you see.
 
Ugh, just writing that makes my whole body cringe.  I wish I could  protect you from those horrible thoughts and hope with all of my might that you never feel that ache in the pit of your stomach.   However, I know that unless this world changes, one day you will pick something that you don't like about your appearance.  
 
One day you will believe something negative someone else says.  One day you will find some extra skin to pinch and wish it wasn't there. One day you will wish your hair was curly instead of straight, wish your eyes were green instead of brown, wish your freckles would go away, or wish you would tan instead of burn.
 
How do I know that?  Because I wasted so much of my life thinking those same exact things.  I think my confidence has always been run-of-the-mill normal, but I can't remember a day when I thought of myself as beautiful. There were days I felt cute, put together, pretty even, but never beautiful.
 
That was, until I met you.  
 
I hope that one day you get to experience the life changing amazingness that is motherhood.  It has so many perks, but one of my favorites is getting to see a part of myself outside of my body.  
 
The moment I saw you, I saw your beauty, and in turn, my beauty.  There I was, not able to move, I hadn't showered in over a day, I was covered in my own blood, and my urine was collecting in a bag next to me.  But, for the first time in my life, I felt beautiful.  How had I missed it all those years? 
 
You made me feel beautiful, so now, (hopefully many) years later, I am returning the favor.  
 
You are so beautiful.  I see beauty in your crooked open smile.  I see beauty in your personality that twinkles through your eyes.  I hear beauty in your coos, squeals, and cries. 
 
I know you may think that I am seeing this only because you are a baby, and all babies are beautiful, right?  I'll admit, I am a sucker for a baby smile, but this is so much more than that.  
 
Beauty is deeper than your skin.  Deeper than your eyes.  Deeper than your laugh. 
 
You are beautiful for the same reason that I am - because we are alive, and life is beautiful.  
 
Period.  
 
Please don't waste a second of it thinking otherwise.
 
Love, 
Your Momma
 
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Eats

Breakfast - overnight oats on my drive in to work - no picture, but as you can imagine, most of it ended up on my shirt

Lunch - fiesta bean salad following *this recipe* (minus avacado)

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Dinner- crockpot lemon chicken breast with potatoes, onions, and carrots following *this recipe*

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Snacks - popcorn and roasted beets

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I had to go "hide" and eat my popcorn in the dark cafeteria at work so no one near me in my cube would give me the stink eye for bring the smelly popcorn into the office.  

Exercise

Week 2 of JM Ripped in 30 - I am starting to "tolerate" this week, so I might have to move to Week 3 pretty soon

Thought for the day

I know this is a repeat, but given today's subject, I feel it needs to be repeated.

4 comments:

  1. Love love love...Ina is so very lucky to have a special mommy like you. <3

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  2. You almost had me in tears with this post. You are so right.

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  3. I love it! What a great mom you are.

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