The day is here.
No more staying in my PJs until 5 PM. Now I have to wear pants with a zipper or a button. Or worse, shoes that don't lace up.
I have dreaded this day since I first saw that little blue line. The day I have to leave my beautiful baby girl.
How is it even possible?
When I got pregnant I didn't even think this would be a choice. Of course I would go back to work. Why wouldn't I? Then, I met her and I completely understood and envied every single stay at home mother I have known.
There are times when I want to go back in time to my high school or college self and tell her to stop. Stop studying so hard. Stop investing so much into your career. Because if you don't have a career, then you won't have anything to keep you away from something you will love more than you can imagine. If you don't have a career then you won't have to make this choice.
However, I love my career. It makes me feel useful and purposeful. I love using a unique niche that I have developed to contribute to society. I am thankful to have a job that I enjoy. I love the people I work with.
I am thankful for my career that allows me to have a choice. I am so blessed to have so many choices when it comes to my life, and one of them is to live a balanced life of work and family. I am crazy enough to think that I can actually do that - balance both.
Ask me in a week how it is working.
I am not going to talk about the guilt that creeps up on me. I am not going to talk about the tears that well in my eyes when I see her smile and know I will miss that for 8 hours everyday. I am not going to talk about how extremely jealous I was to watch Abby give Ina her "practice bottle." I am not going to talk about how I have been spending the past week holding her more, literally trying to radiate my love from my body to hers.
Talking about that would be a tad bit dramatic. I am not dramatic.
So, I am just going to focus on how awesome that past 12 weeks have been. I have been blessed to have a solid 12 weeks with her.
She has taught me so much.
I get to know a little more of her personality every day.
We are starting to become buddies.
I can't wait until I get to come home tonight and see her smile at me. That will get me through what I predict to be the longest day of my life.
Thought for the day